| 1526-1550 |
[Nov. 22nd, 2009|11:16 pm] |
1526. Can't use my pistols to communicate in Morse Code.
1527. There is no Patron Saint of the Dodecahedron.
1528. I can't ask the bad guy if I fired 40,000 rounds or just 39,999.
1529. There is no such thing as a Thirty-Sevensexual
1530. We are not sneaking in Mordor dressed as tour guides.
1531. Even if it does take the thief 10 minutes to search the room, that's not enough time for a quickie.
1532. If its cheaper to buy a new gun than reload the old one, there's a problem.
1533. Even if the rules allow it, can't have a belt fed pistol.
1534. I will raise my hand if I've already heard the the DM's riddle.
1535. The spell is called Prismatic Spray, not Taste the Rainbow.
1536. Before we start the dungeon crawl, I don't have to have my monk oiled down.
1537. My Rogue Trader does not need to announce his arrival with eight hours of orbital bombardment.
1538. My mage can't just sleepwalk to get around resting for spells.
1539. When the power gamer sleeps, can't move the camp down the road.
1540. Can't lure out House Laio mechwarriors by announcing a Chinese Firedrill.
1541. While highly effective, grabbing his a man by his small intestine and making him talk like a ventriloquist dummy is frowned on.
1542. My superhero didn't survive the purge of supers by just playing left offensive guard for the Detroit Lions.
1543. My warhammer doesn't have a claw part.
1544. Not allowed to just blow the supports under Menzoberranzan.
1545. No matter how appreciated, I have to have a better super power than 'cures cancer by touch'
1546. I can't spend Ship Points to put a Starbucks on the bridge.
1547. I will stop making up Space Marine Chapters.
1548. My netrunner's icon has to be something other than the Space Invaders ship.
1549. The totalitarian government tends to notice large purchases of cows, trebuchets and surveying gear.
1550. The Dirty Harry 'Feeling Lucky Punk' speech doesn't work with a longbow. |
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| Dick Cheney 2012 |
[Nov. 18th, 2009|06:24 pm] |
Love him or hate him, these campaign slogans are pretty funny:
SLOGANS FOR DICK CHENEY IN 2012
“I know what the hell I’m doing.”
“You’d rather me on your side than against you.”
“Experience, leadership, normal-sized ears.”
“I shoot my friends in the face with a shotgun. What do you think I’ll do to America’s enemies?”
“I’m what the Mayans predicted.”
“Heart attacks don’t even slow me down.”
“The only time I’ll bow before a foreign leader is in preparation for an uppercut.”
“I already control everything; let’s just make it official.”
“Torturing terrorists may not make reliable intelligence, but does make reliable fun.”
“If I’m busy being president, I won’t have time to eat your children’s souls.”
“Say ‘Go @#$% yourself!’ to the entire world.”
“Vote for me and I’ll consider not strangling this box of puppies.”
“I’ll piledrive a foreign leader before I’ll bow to one.”
“Probably not going to win a Nobel Peace Prize.”
“KSM will get to plead his case to my shotgun.”
“You want a change? How about a president who doesn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks about him.”
“You don’t inaugurate me; you unleash me.”
“I will say, ‘Mr. Ahmadinejad, tear off your own face.’ And he will do as I tell him.”
“Yes we can of whoop ass.” |
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| Something's not being told |
[Nov. 11th, 2009|06:29 pm] |
CNN is all over Governor Perry about the Cameron Todd Willington execution. Not following it until recently, our governor is accused of executing an innocent man. Harsh stuff, anti-death penalty opponents have swarmed into the state screaming about it. Gov didn't do himself any favors by replacing the panel that was investigating it. So gov had an innocent man killed, right?
Today one of Perry's most adamant critics, State Senator Dan Patrick came out in support of the governor. They are both Republicans, but the similarities stop there. Perry votes with the wind, and tends to be in bed with special interests. Patrick is heavily anti-tax, and fights with Perry over everything. But Patrick came out with the original arson investigator that the critics are screaming about.
Turns out the critics brought in their own expert. His complaint? The local one wasn't as educated as him. Their expert is the same one that said the governor mansion fire here was accidental, until they found footage of the arsonist throwing a molotov cocktail. CNN didn't report a single fact defending the execution, despite various people involved volunteering.
Never let the truth stand in the way of a good story. |
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| 4 |
[Nov. 9th, 2009|06:30 pm] |
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Number of paragraphs the Houston Chronicle dedicated to the fall of the Berlin Wall today. |
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| Now go burn down Parliament |
[Nov. 5th, 2009|01:04 pm] |
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Happy Guy Fawkes Day everybody. Go watch V for Vendetta and your politicians they need to be afraid of you, not the other way around. |
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| Suffering for my art |
[Nov. 3rd, 2009|06:19 pm] |
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Ever try to fit five Crimean War references in one comic strip about a Halloween party? Ain't easy. |
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| It's called humor |
[Nov. 2nd, 2009|09:05 pm] |
Was working on a storyline for DE in which one of the plot points has Blackbeard luring out a killer leprechaun by trying to find a rainbow. His solution is to stage an impromptu pride parade. This does lure out the killer faerie, but due to Blackbeard's shortsightedness his plan never never planned past 'Step 1'. So the Leprechaun just starts shredding the parade until under pressure they implement Plan A (just shoot him). They started with Plan B because Plan A never works.
And I get accused of homophobia and gay bashing. Take out the gays, put in boy scouts, Tibetan monks, Vandal raiders, or the entire population of Wichita, Kansas and you have the exact same joke. No where does the word 'gay' even appear in the comic. It never shows any part of the parade (though the joke does mention in passing there's only five people in the parade). Some people wear that chip on their shoulder a little too loosely.
We also used the Leprechaun storyline to suggest the hero's house is equal parts Tardis and Winchester Mansion. |
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| What the hell dude? |
[Oct. 31st, 2009|11:16 pm] |
What's up the lightsabers? You've given no apparent thought to who's got what color, you have Washington with a red lightsaber. Washington was the rebel, he gets the green lightsaber. Britain was the Empire, they get red lightsabers. |
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| Suffering for my art |
[Oct. 29th, 2009|08:13 pm] |
I've had to watch 3 Uwe Boll movies to research Dying's Easy. You guys had better appreciate this. Those damned shadow monsters are hard to find pics for. And nobody can tell me if those chicks were Cirque Du Soleil Amazon Lesbian Hippies or Cirque Du Soleil Hippie Amazon Lesbians.
And happy birthday Winona, we tried to get your character sketched up for your birthday but real life interfered. |
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| And more research |
[Oct. 29th, 2009|07:59 pm] |
Doing the Halloween episode for Dying's Easy. In which our intrepid heroes invite all their friends over for a Halloween party and proceed to accidentally slaughter a whole mess of masked serial killers. Problem is, I need masked serial killers.
This is who I got (Jason's been done previously in Story #4)
Michael Myers (Halloween)
Miner (My Bloody Valentine)
Edvard Munch Scream Killer (Scream)
Dollface/Man in Mask/Pin-Up Girl (Strangers)
Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre)
That's seven, need 3 more.
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| The answer is...nobody has a clue |
[Oct. 28th, 2009|09:01 pm] |
Doing research for the webcomic, mainly how tall were the various characters in real life.
Uwe Boll 5'8
Rob Zombie 5'11
Ted Nugent 5'11
Audie Murphy 5'5
Winona Ryder 5'4
Miyamoto Musashi 6'1. YES SIX FOOT 1 INCH. Multiple confirmations.
Simo Hayha 5'0
Ron Hextall 6'1
Blackbeard 6'2-6'6 (no accurate size, just tons of speculation, but we're going with 6'6, the man is a legend, that makes him taller)
Then I get to the Mad Monk Rasputin. 5'4-6'6. Nobody has a clue, I got multiple sites quoting a variety of heights, either the man was a midget or a giant, nobody seems to be clear on the subject. Even Russian government sites contradict themselves. Blackbeard's height difference was 4", Rasputin has a 14" disparity? The guy was alive in the age of photography and we can't figure out how tall he actually was? |
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| Unhappiness is... |
[Oct. 27th, 2009|11:07 pm] |
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Finding your freezer door cracked and all your ice cream melted. |
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| Geek test |
[Oct. 26th, 2009|08:33 pm] |
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Somebody with a D&D 1st Ed MM, what's the entries before and after Griffon? Doing some research for webcomic. |
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| Changing as I write |
[Oct. 24th, 2009|10:09 pm] |
The new Audie Murphy, re-aged from his previous drawing. Problem with Murphy is he's really a very average looking man, no real outstanding features. This picture is based off Hunter Pence to make him look like a teenager. Couldn't find a pic of Murphy when he won his medals.
I've got 6 months of storylines written up and sent off. Two and half years worth are sketched up and being fleshed out. Had to make changes due to other joke arcs being funnier than the first idea. Had the concept of Winona being a Highlander-style immortal killing other youthful celebrities, but wasn't enough material to keep it fresh. Instead Blackbeard gained an unhealthy interest in proving she's a supernatural creature. Of course Blackbeard's suspicions are frequently baseless, contradictory and have nothing in common with Winona.
Ron Hextall has gained the behavior of a a feral cat that's adopted the heroes. He lives in their woods, having gone native after retiring from NHL. Musashi became a loving father with a fondness of foreclosing and evicting people on weekends. Nugent is still Nugent, though he's become a plot device as the heroes trick him several times into killing what's bothering them by putting up notices of new hunting seasons open. Like paparazzi season, no bag limit. More as it evolves.
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| Here we go again... |
[Oct. 23rd, 2009|07:27 pm] |
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Obama's fighting with Fox news. What did Franklin say about picking a fight with somebody that buys his ink by the barrel again? |
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