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1001 Things Mr. Welch is not allowed to do in a roleplaying game - Nothing I Say is Meant to Offend Unless You're a Moron [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
TheGlen

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1001 Things Mr. Welch is not allowed to do in a roleplaying game [May. 9th, 2007|08:24 pm]
TheGlen
976. I was not issued a flamethrower for my own personal amusement.
977. Disable plot device is not a real skill.
978. Nowhere in the plan does Franco go in where the others have been.
979. Mumus do not appear in the starting equipment list for a reason.
980. As a matter of fact, a 90' tall hostile pineapple is much more terrifying than a dragon.
981. My last wish cannot be for Ragnarok.
982. Trailblaze means find a path, not cut down every tree between here and there.
983. Elves do not take 1d3+1 minutes for their entire menstrual cycle.
984. In the middle of a black ops I cannot moonlight as tech support.
985. Even if it isn't in the rules, I have to use the same scale miniature as everybody else.
986. I cannot switch miniatures between each combat.
987. Even if starving, can't suckle the elf chick.
988. David Bowie cannot cast glitterdust at will. This issue is also closed.
989. When asked to describe my character, I can leave out the hickies.
990. Even if he botches his medicine roll, I can't sue the medtech for malpractice.
991. "Kiww the Wabbit" is not a proper viking battlecry.
992. The rest of the party would appreciate it if I didn't take Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy as a flaw.
993. Even if the rules allow it, I can't empty out the entire castle for a week with just a cherry bomb.
994. Corporate Pop Whore is not a real prestige class.
995. Drakkar Heartgourger is not a proper name for a paladin.
996. Dwarves can't take trees as favored enemies.
997. I can't beat on the drow until he admits his name is Toby.
998. The script for the Baywatch movie does not cause more Sanity loss than the Necronomicon.
999. I can't train squirrel mobs to abuse the grapple rules.
1000. I will stop referring to the powergamer as MinMaximus.
1001. No matter how bad the game is going, I won't stradle the table like Slim Pickens riding a bomb.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: count_01
2007-05-10 03:46 am (UTC)
#994...is Corporate Heiress? This harks back to a conversation my lady-friend and I had over a game of Destroy All Humans!2 wherein the young Japanese co-ed aspires to be a stupid, obscenely wealthy hotel heiress...
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[User Picture]From: balorn
2007-05-10 04:17 am (UTC)
991. "Kiww the Wabbit" is not a proper viking battlecry.
Even if he wields a speaw and magic hewmet?
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[User Picture]From: dayzdark
2007-05-10 05:05 am (UTC)
Congrats on hitting 1000+ of these. They're always a pleasure to read.
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[User Picture]From: thadrin
2007-05-10 05:30 am (UTC)
999 should be allowed dammit!
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[User Picture]From: balorn
2007-05-10 09:09 am (UTC)
Also, I like how 998 doesn't say it causes less sanity loss...
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[User Picture]From: gaia_kiari
2007-05-10 11:41 am (UTC)
Oh yeah, these are fun to read as always, and going straight on HR ^_^
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[User Picture]From: beastieboyed
2007-05-11 03:27 am (UTC)
Congrats on finally hitting 1001! I remember when it was only a paltry 101. You've come a long way (though whether this is a good or bad thing is still quite debatable).

That being said, 988 and 999 are made of epic win.

Just thought I'd let you know. ^_^ Thanks for the laugh!
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[User Picture]From: necessitysslave
2007-05-11 07:41 am (UTC)
993. Even if the rules allow it, I can't empty out the entire castle for a week with just a cherry bomb

HOW?
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[User Picture]From: theglen
2007-05-12 12:59 am (UTC)
7th Sea...

Rules state if a bomb is not enough to blow up a fortification, it still leaves the fortification unhabitable for a number of weeks equal to it's explosion level. So throwing a cherry bomb (rating 1) at El Morro, bastion of Castille (rating 25) renders the entire castle abandoned for a whole week.
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[User Picture]From: dmoonfire
2007-05-11 03:20 pm (UTC)
Heh, I see a couple ones I've already experienced. Specially the "same scale minatures." But, there were two I thought you'd get a kick out of.

991. "Kiww the Wabbit" is not a proper viking battlecry.

http://www.lfgcomic.com/page/42
"For Pony!"

996. Dwarves can't take trees as favored enemies.

http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0150.html

But, these were hilarious as usual.
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[User Picture]From: tygerr
2007-05-11 09:47 pm (UTC)
988...NONSENSE. Of COURSE Bowie 'glitterdusts' at will. What kind of insane GM are you stuck with these days?
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[User Picture]From: toby_wan_kenobi
2007-05-14 12:47 am (UTC)
My name IS Toby, but I wouldn't play a drow... and I do have students who bust out that line occasionally, even though Roots aired before they were born.
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From: ragingpantsless
2007-05-30 12:45 am (UTC)
Here's a few.

*not allowed to turn the Big Evil Bad Guy's lair into an improvised cannon to catch said villain.
*not allowed to EVER have Flaw: Obsession: licking things, even if my character is a lizard folk.
*if any of my characters beats the jump check by more than 100, and ends up on the back of the dragon he was chasing, I cannot then choke the dragon to the ground.
*no longer allowed to kill anything just by squeezing its' tongue.
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