TheGlen (theglen) wrote,
TheGlen
theglen

Spiderman 3 completely sucks. Really, really sucks.

Guys, this is full of spoilers. Not going to lie. Trying to save your money and your mind. I can't remember the last movie I actually booed before this one. People were leaving early. People were laughing at the romantic moments. People were heckling. This movie is a trainwreck. There is no plot, there is very little coherent action. Toby McGuire's crotch gets more onscreen time than Venom. Oh, and Venom doesn't show up until the last 20 minutes of the movie. Oh where to begin...

The fight between Peter Parker and Harry Osborne (NOT Spiderman and Hobgoblin) comes out at a huge emo-fest to see who's whinier.

The villains hobgoblin, sandman and venom were on screen for maybe a combined 25 minutes. Venom hates spiderman just 'cause. Hobgoblin can't decide his motivation, and Sandman is well, just there. He says he's trying to save his daughter, and mentions it once or twice in extremely brief presence.

Spiderman gets his black costume and it turns him emo. Toby Mcguire, sporting a rather obvious double chin, puts one bang down and we have to watch nearly ten minutes of him strutting his stuff in front of first aroused women then disgusted women all the time nothing is happening at all with the movie.

Spiderman cries. A lot. He's horrifically weepy, even my girlfriend catcalled at his just random tearing up. He's a frickin' superhero! Buck up some guy! Batman doesn't cry, Superman doesn't cry, hell Aquaman doesn't cry. Not that you could tell the difference. I think Wolverine teared up during Old Yeller, but that's to be expected.

Bruce Campbell as the French Waiter and J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson stand out. But they have little more than cameos. Everybody else just stinks up the place. Want a good movie? Go see Hot Fuzz or 300 again. Spiderman 3 was just awful.

Rating F
Would have given it an F- except for Bruce and J.K.
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