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TheGlen

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Spiderman 3 completely sucks. Really, really sucks. [May. 5th, 2007|03:54 am]
TheGlen
Guys, this is full of spoilers. Not going to lie. Trying to save your money and your mind. I can't remember the last movie I actually booed before this one. People were leaving early. People were laughing at the romantic moments. People were heckling. This movie is a trainwreck. There is no plot, there is very little coherent action. Toby McGuire's crotch gets more onscreen time than Venom. Oh, and Venom doesn't show up until the last 20 minutes of the movie. Oh where to begin...

The fight between Peter Parker and Harry Osborne (NOT Spiderman and Hobgoblin) comes out at a huge emo-fest to see who's whinier.

The villains hobgoblin, sandman and venom were on screen for maybe a combined 25 minutes. Venom hates spiderman just 'cause. Hobgoblin can't decide his motivation, and Sandman is well, just there. He says he's trying to save his daughter, and mentions it once or twice in extremely brief presence.

Spiderman gets his black costume and it turns him emo. Toby Mcguire, sporting a rather obvious double chin, puts one bang down and we have to watch nearly ten minutes of him strutting his stuff in front of first aroused women then disgusted women all the time nothing is happening at all with the movie.

Spiderman cries. A lot. He's horrifically weepy, even my girlfriend catcalled at his just random tearing up. He's a frickin' superhero! Buck up some guy! Batman doesn't cry, Superman doesn't cry, hell Aquaman doesn't cry. Not that you could tell the difference. I think Wolverine teared up during Old Yeller, but that's to be expected.

Bruce Campbell as the French Waiter and J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson stand out. But they have little more than cameos. Everybody else just stinks up the place. Want a good movie? Go see Hot Fuzz or 300 again. Spiderman 3 was just awful.

Rating F
Would have given it an F- except for Bruce and J.K.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: gen
2007-05-05 02:06 pm (UTC)
I realize this was what appears to be a senseless act of pain you had to suffer through, but I just felt you should know. You took that bullet for me, man! I owe you mah LIFEZ!

As per this review, my husband and I will not bother seeing it anytime soon.
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[User Picture]From: nightfalke
2007-05-05 07:11 pm (UTC)
And that emo is exactly why I hate Spiderman in general.
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[User Picture]From: xchaos93x
2007-05-05 07:20 pm (UTC)
I was thinking they tried to make him more like Jim Carey in the Mask, almost laughable really, and not very serious. Other than some of the effects in the movie I thought it wasn't anything great just ok. Luckily I had a free pass to see it so I didn't have to pay out any money.
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[User Picture]From: lyzz13
2007-05-05 09:12 pm (UTC)
Amen, brother. Add that to the multitude of small, loud children (in a 10:30 PM movie, mind), and the chick in front of me continually texting (I do belive I dropped the c-word at one point, and had to be stopped from kicking her in the head), I wish I'd saved the 10 bucks.

Though the boy and I did get a great laugh out of hipster-Parker, and it was decided that Brock was mearly Bizzaro World Parker.
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From: brandielicious
2007-05-05 10:08 pm (UTC)
"I think Wolverine teared up during Old Yeller, but that's to be expected."

Pure gold.

Andmy husband agrees with your summation. Emo Spidey and all.
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[User Picture]From: tomyironmane
2007-05-07 05:25 am (UTC)
... It took longer for them to kill THIS one than it did to kill the Batman franchise in hollywood. Thanks for the heads up, though.

300 ruled. It makes me wonder how it got produced in Hollywood.
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[User Picture]From: theglen
2007-05-08 01:20 am (UTC)
Easy...it was cheap to make. Nobody in Hollywood expected it to be a $200mil blockbuster.
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[User Picture]From: ___spidey___
2007-05-08 01:15 pm (UTC)
Cheap to Make? It cost over $350 Million to make.
How is that Cheap?
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[User Picture]From: theglen
2007-05-09 12:21 am (UTC)
We were talking about 300, not Spiderman. 300 was only $60mil, which is bargain price for hollywood these days.
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[User Picture]From: ___spidey___
2007-05-09 01:02 pm (UTC)
oh hehe, silly me.
I figured it(300) would be more than that, due to all the special effects etc etc.
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[User Picture]From: theglen
2007-05-10 01:16 am (UTC)
Surprisingly, blue screen movies are extremely cheap to make. Sky Captain was only like 70 million, and that was primarily casting budget. 300 was relatively starless, excepting perhaps Gerard Butler or David Wynam (sp). And it's made triple its money, not a bad little return.
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[User Picture]From: thrantor
2007-05-07 07:27 pm (UTC)
Wow... My friends here have had nothing but good things to say about this movie. I haven't seen it yet, but I plan to. It will be very interesting to try to see what caused you to see this much wrong with this movie.

Admittedly, I plan on going into it prewarned now. Thanks at least.
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[User Picture]From: ___spidey___
2007-05-07 07:31 pm (UTC)
For the record, that wasnt supposed to be, or was implied that that was the hobgoblin.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.
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[User Picture]From: theglen
2007-05-08 01:13 am (UTC)
Yes, Harry's super id was unnamed in the movie. It was just technically Harry on a Flying Skateboard. Ok, Harry acting badly on a flying skateboard. And his death scene was the funniest part of the movie. For all the wrong reasons.
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[User Picture]From: ___spidey___
2007-05-08 01:16 pm (UTC)
Well, I guess for non-spidey fans, they don't know he is supposed to be the second Green Goblin.
Granted, the skate-board was pretty cool, it didn't convey the Green Goblin like the comics did.
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[User Picture]From: bowerbird001au
2007-05-11 12:39 am (UTC)
I haven't seen the movie myself, though I'm a bit put off by the fact that they seem to have done a terrible job with one of my favourite villains (Venom), I mean since when was Eddie Brock as wimpy looking as Peter Parker? He's supposed to be a jock. I'm just gonna wait 'til it comes out on DVD.
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[User Picture]From: acheronia
2007-05-19 06:32 am (UTC)
I've heard that there are talks of another Spidey movie, and since they insist on killing off at least one character per movie, I've got $5 that Gwynn Stacy is next.
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