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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do in an RPG 501-1000 [Nov. 28th, 2006|09:36 pm]

To keep the list a bit more readable, split it in half. Here's 501-1000
501-975Collapse )

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[User Picture]From: syrazemyla
2007-05-13 04:48 am (UTC)
I hate to nitpick, but you're missing #962.

Anyways, excellent work. Keep it up!
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[User Picture]From: gryphoness
2007-06-06 04:49 pm (UTC)
Good Dog Clifford! Yay!

I want to influence more of these! Please! Come back and play with us soon.
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[User Picture]From: alexi_strigoii
2007-06-25 06:22 am (UTC)

Ambushing the Settite

What happened to cause 639
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[User Picture]From: theglen
2007-06-26 01:22 pm (UTC)

Re: Ambushing the Settite

Roy was the Settite, along with his wife. I was playing the mummy, the settite's natural enemy. I used my vast connections to get a few werewolf thugs to join me in ambushing Roy. So we hide in a closet and wait for him. And wait, and wait, and wait. We didn't dare go out because if we were seen, the ambush was off. Finally somebody else opening the closet (a bit roomy, we weren't cramped) and asks what we were doing. Told him we were ambushing Roy.

"Roy left four hours ago. His wife got sick."

After that we implemented a sign in/sign out.
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From: philofyesturday
2007-07-10 12:49 pm (UTC)


#368. My teleporter cannot stop the alien invasion with just the law of displacement, laws of motion, and a huge freakin' asteroid. this sounds frickin awesome and id love to know the story.
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[User Picture]From: brookswift
2007-07-20 04:14 am (UTC)

Re: Ambushing the Settite

906. They make platemail in a variety of styles. Crotchless is not one of them.

actually most plate armor IS crotchless because it's mostly all used on horseback and you don't want armor between you and the horse. even foot armor is mostly crotchless.

i think this is better:
906b even though protecting that area is very important to your fighter, any protrusion big enough to knock things over on tables will be prohibited.
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[User Picture]From: snowelf
2007-07-22 03:04 pm (UTC)
597. The party does not need to know about the time I woke up duct taped to the back of a Drow Matron Mother.

They may not, but I do. That sounds like quite a story.
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[User Picture]From: rhjunior
2007-07-31 01:32 am (UTC)
1002. Can never again defeat the dragon by playing "52 Pickup" at it with a Deck of Many Things.
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From: sorloc
2007-09-03 11:56 pm (UTC)

Marbles and Dungeon Crawls

These are wonderful! My wife kept asking me if you knew me.

I also am not allowed to purchase, create, import, wish for, or invent marbles under any circumstances.

I am not allowed to use a figurine of Disney's Grumpy to represent my Dwarf on the battlemat. I am also not allowed to convice the mage to use a figurine of Disney's Belle.

I am not to roll for initiative and then immediately move that many spaces on the battlemat.

I am not to alter the battlemat in any way during food / bathroom breaks.

I am not to uproot monoliths and transport them to other cities to sell. Also, I will not extort a sale from the Prince by threatening to sell it to his rival.
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[User Picture]From: bar1scorpio
2007-09-27 07:14 pm (UTC)
On the RPG.net forums, Tabletop>Photoshop, RPG Motivational Posters, there are several people making the effort to make Mr Welch Motivational Posters.
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[User Picture]From: bar1scorpio
2007-09-27 08:35 pm (UTC)
Okay, so reworking some of the submitted for clarity & comedy and adding a few new...

-Irregardless of my level in the Dance skill, I am not allowed to Para-Para Melancholy of Haruhi.
-Cannot defeat the villain by convincing his undead minions to stage a revolution. Even if it is in the name of “Libertie, Egalitie, Fraternitie, Cerveauuuuuuux”.
-I am to challenge the final evil to a duel. Not a "Pants-Off Dance-Off"
-My space fighter is not allowed to have a main cannon more than twice the length of said fighter.
-Other characters, player or non, are not to be used as artillery for siege weapons. Even if they’re undead.
-Berzerkers do not go into a "Hugging Frenzy". Nor any other frenzy that doesn't involve killing.
-I am not allowed to call for a Taxi/Pizza just to rob them, even if the party is low on cash.
-Taunting a Villain from the previous adventure into battling the Villain of your new adventure is not a viable plan. Especially if the battle is to take place in a vat of Jell-O.
-Even if it’s possible, it’s still not a good idea to use a potato masher grenade as a blunt melee weapon.
-Not allowed to use a Bag of Holding to drain a swamp. Especially if it's just to increase the resale value of the land.
-The Dragon isn’t going to fall for the “Dragon Dentist making a House Call” ruse more than once.
-Sentient telepathic quartz crystals have come from deep space either to A) seek our aid or B) destroy us, not engage in group sex.
-GWAR is not an acceptable party template.
-There is no such thing as a “Technical Virgin” Sacrifice.
-Our campaign will not feature a “Hot Springs Episode.”
-My Rogue Scholar cannot be modeled after Great Teacher Onizuka. Especially if that means an Elephant Costume.
-Being a Stone Mage does not involve Pyramid Schemes.
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[User Picture]From: bar1scorpio
2007-09-27 08:38 pm (UTC)
Crud, forgot a bit from an actual game of Palladium.

-If a good Elven Priestess, not allowed to question why we blindly follow the 'guy on the horse'.
-Double if my next suggestion is to let the Goblins Lead. Even if they were the only PCs thus far to do anything useful.
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From: nppyinzer
2007-12-16 06:03 pm (UTC)
Was the character with Munchausen-by-proxy the healer/medtech?
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[User Picture]From: theglen
2007-12-17 01:26 am (UTC)
Nope, the Silver Fang.
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From: zerak
2007-12-30 12:09 am (UTC)

Great list!

-Not allowed to base paladin on Gummi Bears theme song.
-Not allowed to kill 4HD worth of turtles just to get those last points for the next level.

Been following since 200-something, glad to see you didn't stop at 1000 :)
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[User Picture]From: jazzerat
2008-01-09 05:22 am (UTC)
*giggles* These were GREAT. I nearly made Damien spew his coffee this morning by reading the list aloud. And I do have to add one from my own experience, of course.
I will not forget the DM changed my character's alignment to lawful good and head off on a chicken farm raid with my fellow PCs.
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From: nerdpower13
2008-01-24 12:52 am (UTC)


1012. Note to self: Lightsaberchucks...BAD IDEA

Okay how did you EVER come up with that idea?
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[User Picture]From: theglen
2008-01-24 12:53 am (UTC)


Looking at a double bladed lightsaber thinking what would happen if I put a chain between them. And something out of Happy Tree Friends came to mind.
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[User Picture]From: accessioning
2008-01-26 08:30 am (UTC)
...Is it a bad thing that my entire family looks to this for ideas? >.>

Am to remember heckling the GM may result in unfavorable results, even if he is my little brother.

I am no longer allowed to use my personal Craft:Disturbing Mental Image on the GM in the middle of an epic battle.</s>
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[User Picture]From: accessioning
2008-01-26 01:19 pm (UTC)
Oh, and while I'm at it;

The Dawn caste's power level is not 'over nine-thousand'.

It is highly unlikely my level 12 druid in Faerun will be familiar with the phrase 'do not want'.

And if I ever start a sending with 'Good evening gentlemen', I am not allowed to finish that skit. Even if it is for great justice.
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