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TheGlen

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Things Mr. Welch can no longer do in an RPG 501-1000 [Nov. 28th, 2006|09:36 pm]
TheGlen
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To keep the list a bit more readable, split it in half. Here's 501-1000
501-975Collapse )
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From: dusty668
2008-03-12 02:47 pm (UTC)

Thank you for going here!

I've illustrated a very few rules from my characters in City of villans:

http://hereticorp.freeforums.org/this-is-so-full-of-awesome-you-must-read-some-of-it-t22.html
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[User Picture]From: issuegirls
2008-06-01 12:51 am (UTC)
How does one settle an argument like a penguin?

...

On second thought, I don't think I want to know.
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[User Picture]From: dbmyrrha
2008-06-08 03:03 am (UTC)
Fantastic. haven't gamed in years, because most games (i.e. groups/GMs) I've found were borrrr-ing. I doubt anyone could say that about any game you're part of!!
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[User Picture]From: amanuensis1
2008-06-10 04:00 pm (UTC)
I've taken about four days to go through these, laughing so hard I had to take breaks. I'll be quoting a lot of these for a long time!
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[User Picture]From: mercynre
2008-08-28 05:29 pm (UTC)
Arguments cannot end with the statement 'Alright, we'll settle this like penguins!'

Okay, you'd be surprised how many times I have heard that said at hacker conventions by the linux crowd!
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[User Picture]From: turbobeholder
2008-11-28 12:31 am (UTC)

Are loonies Divine Retribution ?

556. Even though I'm the ranger, I can't stalk the elf babe.
583. Can't intimidate the evil wizard just by constantly summoning bigger versions of what he's just summoned.
638. The DM is not impressed by me spoiling his well planned ambush by just casting Glassee on the door.
956. Despite the halberd being 6' long, it can't hit monsters more than 5' away.
That's about enough to determine that this GM deserved the rest. :]
778. It is not possible to bioengineer a kosher pig.
902. Can't set the bad guy on fire until after I've blown the persuasion roll.
Why ?
988. David Bowie cannot cast glitterdust at will. This issue is also closed.
But of course: in 3ed everything is "N times/day".
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[User Picture]From: grammarnaziphis
2009-01-09 10:21 pm (UTC)
Isn't 833 what Washington did?
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[User Picture]From: theglen
2009-01-09 11:39 pm (UTC)
Actually Trenton was at 8am.
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[User Picture]From: brotherflounder
2009-01-12 02:11 am (UTC)
511. When GM demands to know what my character is doing, it better not be "The Charleston"
513. Trying to rip the face off the villain will not get the Scooby-Doo ending.
727. Cannot singlehandedly make Starfleet Academy the #1 party school in the Alpha Quadrant.


The whole list is hilarious, but these three made me laugh harder than I have in awhile. Especially 511 & 513 read right in a row.
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From: killmaster666
2009-01-31 07:42 am (UTC)
713. If if the rules allow it, can't sink a battleship with a stapler... how?

my friend has a few like this

1. not aloud to piss off the dwarven defenders by saying the rest of the party hates ale simply so they block the aly trapping the wizard into the 2 barbarian on 1 wizard fist fight (did not end well for the poor wizard)

2. not aloud to use clarical powers to sit on a warf and have sea spray splash against his face to make him look badass because there was no waves

3. when lawfull good not aloud to change his alignment to chaotic evil in the course of 2 minutes because his god denounces him for accidently having an evil gods symbol carved into his flesh well in jail

4. not aloud to find loopholes in the campain were you must take covr from a deadly hailstorm in an old tower simply by being a mind flayer sorcerer

5. not aloud to use other team members as battering rams and even if the dm hates the guy and allows it putting the sack over his head provides him with aboslutly no protection

6. not aloud to kill the royal escort we were sent with and who must report to the king so we get paid

7. can't get board of sneaking though the enemy encampment and simply walk up to the campfire and ask what's shaken

8. it dosent matter how bad the orc shamen is rolling if a 300 man brawl is happening 10 feet in front of him HE SEES IT!

9. with great fireball power comes great fireball restrictions

10. if the group has a rogue the most effective way to look for traps is not oh just throw the bard at it it's not like we NEED him (this goes doubly whent he bard is the team leader)

11. just because the female fighter is bi dosent mean that you can combine your charisma modifiers on a seduction check

12. any character that can literaly defeat the DM in combat needs to be watered down a little

13. if the dm decides NOT to killt he character and have him miracoulously stabalise at -9 just don't question it
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[User Picture]From: theglen
2009-02-02 02:28 am (UTC)
713. Silver Age Sentinels had an ability to increase damage on thrown objects. Maxed out it did enough damage to sink a battleship with any thrown item. In this case, a stapler.
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From: killmaster666
2009-01-31 08:06 am (UTC)
14. somthing just aint right about a mindflayer with 35 charisma
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From: killmaster666
2009-07-08 12:56 am (UTC)
so i gotta ask what did you come up with that involved strapping puppies to your armor?
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[User Picture]From: theglen
2009-07-08 01:33 am (UTC)
Villain in 7th Sea had the softhearted vice. So came up with the idea of just having lots of puppies on me since he couldn't attack innocent creatures. Got told no.
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[User Picture]From: nightwind292
2009-07-13 10:32 am (UTC)

Can I request clarification?

570. The DM does not want to know how my human fighter is triple wielding scimitars.

Because I DO...

588. Paladins are immune to STDs, but if I take advantage of this ability, I lose it. Wonderful paradox, isn't it?

I invoke a Paladin of Bastet

597. The party does not need to know about the time I woke up duct taped to the back of a Drow Matron Mother.

again, i think I would like to...

646. If the game store owner goes into vapor lock, the adventure is over.

Please, you must share?


840. Even if it would have immediately solved the last six adventures, I won't throw dynamite in every well I come across.

Six times? I can't quite believe it.

868. I cannot have a gun with an area of affect larger than it's range.
925. Any gun that can fire more rounds in one shot than I can physically carry is vetoed.

Ok, how did you build those, and in what rule sets?

924. Before I make my next wish I have to ask myself: "Is this going to shatter the very fabric of reality again?"

Again?

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[User Picture]From: theglen
2009-07-14 12:12 am (UTC)

Re: Can I request clarification?

570. Juggle them with perform skill with the dervish prestige class.

646. Tales from the Floating Vagabond. Revenge of the Disco Nazis adventure, mediocre game, singalong module.

840. Go through the adventures in the back of the old Deadlands sourcebooks. Almost every single one of them has the bad guy/thing lying in wait at the bottom of the well.

868. Gurps high-tech custom gun rules.
925. Metal Storm weapon system. Million rounds a minute. Real gun.
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From: lief47
2009-07-22 06:39 am (UTC)
#711. If almost all the words in my character's background start with the same letter, he's vetoed.

You've done this one too!!?!??
I was playing with a new group for the first time when i did this. Another party member described me as "painful".
The soul-knife Simon, searching for the sewer saporellis (mushroom that I've misspelled here, I'm sure) to save his sister Sarah from the sinister sorcerer's spell.
I managed to fill about 2 full pages of my gaming notebook in an atrocious alliteration.
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[User Picture]From: queen_kitora
2009-10-27 04:31 am (UTC)
511. When GM demands to know what my character is doing, it better not be "The Charleston"

And it d*mn well better not be 'The Macarena'.
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From: gradiusthefox
2009-11-18 06:12 am (UTC)

Good enough to sign up for something I might never use

Signed up for an LJ solely to comment on this. First of all, this is freaking awesome in every way, and every line of it is a story I'd love to hear.

As for 'settling it like penguins'...
When a group of penguins have decided to go for a swim, they test the water for penguin-eating nasties by crowding around and trying to push whoever is at the front into the drink. So to settle something like penguins I would assume means to have a sumo contest of pushing each other into predator infested waters.
It's fun to know weird things.
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