Upcoming lyrics for a film festival I'm working on.

There’s no earthly way of knowing
Which direction the plot is going
There’s no knowing the pain they're sowing
Or if time has started slowing

Is this singing?, Is this crowing?
Why is Bruce Jenner's navel showing?

Not a censor bar is showing
So the man bits are clearly showing
And Tim Curry's clone's mind-blowing
Is Guttenberg's song still going?

Yes, the movie must be blowing
For the singers keep on crowing
And they’re certainly not showing
Any signs that they are slowing


2451.  Any swashbucker I'm building is vetoed if I'm watching the video to Adam Ant's Stand and Deliver.
2452.  Before I take advantage of the "kids eat free" offer my hin has to at least shave.
2453.  Saving the queen from a natural disaster is a good thing.  A fashion disaster not so much.
2454.  My bard is now required to take a long rest between performances of Tarzan Boy.
2455.  Can't name my aasimar bard Petra Stryper.
2456.  Aasimar bards know more songs than just Disney tunes.
2457.  My aasimar bard is not allowed to resemble any member of the Wiggles.
2458.  Despite their ability for mimicry, I can't have all my tomes copied by Kenkus.
2459.  No we can't steal the Death Star plans by just filling out all the appropriate paper work.
2460.  A bard that plays like Bob Dillon is awesome.  A bard that talks like Bob Dillon not so much.
2461.  There is no such thing as the Dwarvish Poetry Guild.
2462.  My paladin does not have fourth, classified, oath known only to Omnicorp.
2463.  No reminding the DM the rules for parasitic infection are on page 13 of the DMG.
2464.  I can't ask the dragon any riddle with the answer ytterbium.
2465.  No leaving the future god of strife tied to a tree just because he's annoying.
2466.  If I'm told to loop the feed for the video camera, they didn't mean with hard core porn.
2467.  If we have to hide our weapons, no dumping the napalm into the fire sprinkler reserve tanks.
2468.  No narrating the after battle report in Jacques Cousteau's voice.
2469.  The AV-9 is for air support, not beer runs.
2470.  If ordered to see if anybody is in a building, no setting it on fire and seeing if anybody runs out.
2471.  Just because I min/maxed the heavy artillery skill doesn't mean I get to spend the entire adventure drinking cocoa and listening to the radio.
2472.  The rest of the party would like to know why I'm putting all my skill points into nuclear warhead.
2473.  Even if the rules allow it, I don't get a sustained fire bonus for nuclear weapons.
2474.  My spotter is forbidden from playing I Spy with the sniper again.
2475.  When told to distract the enemy, they didn't mean with a called shot to their flamethrower.

Gladiator Class

Working on a new book centered around gladiators.  So making notes as I go.

Hit Dice: 1d12 per gladiator level
Hit points at first level 12 + Con modifier
Hit points at higher levels: 1d12 or 7 + Con modifier per gladiator level after 1st.

Proficiencies: Light armor
Weapons: All simple and martial
Tools: None

Saving Throws: Con and Cha
Skills: Pick three from: Acrobatics, Athletics, Deception, Insight, Intimidation, Medicine, Perception, Performance

1:  Gladiator School, 3 maneuvers
2:  Fighting Style:  Great Weapon, Two Weapon, Aegis (shield +3 AC)
3:  Play to the Crowd (Advantage/Critical Hit)
4:  Ability score improvement
5:  School improvement
6:  2 additional maneuvers
7:  Additional Attack
8:  Ability Score Improvement
9:  School Improvement
10: Strength Saving Throw Proficiency
11: 2 additional maneuvers
12: Ability Score Improvement
13: School Improvement
14:  Play to the Crowd Improvement: allow opponent to ignore a failed save, under 50% HP
16:  Ability Score Improvement
17: 5 maneuvers use
18: Only need two death saves to stabilize
19:  Ability Score Improvement
20:  Play to the Crowd allows you to spend 1 HD to heal.


CHA saves:
Menace- save or be frightened
Taunt- save or attack gladiator with disadvantage
Distract- save or be attacked with advantage
Goad- save or lose all but one attacks and no maneuvers until end of next round.
Enrage- save or lose AC bonus from shields, DEX and unarmored defense until end of next round.

CON saves:
Blinding attack- save or be blind until end of next turn.
Dirty blow- save or be stunned until end of next turn.
Cutting blow- save or drop weapon or shield.
Hamstring- save or have movement reduced to 5 until end of next turn.
Sucker Punch- save or become prone

1st level: You can wield a net as a melee weapon, you do d8 damage with a trident.
5th level: You can use the maneuvers taunt and dirty blow twice before needing PTTC
9th level: If you hit with the net, you can use a bonus action to attack with the trident
13th level: If your opponent tries and fails to escape your net, as a reaction you can attack with your trident

1st level: You gain proficiency with medium armor
5th level: You can use the Menace and Sucker Punch manuevers twice before needing PTTC
9th level: You can use a dagger in the same hand as your shield.
13th level: If you are stunned, you can take a DC12 Constitution save, ignoring the stun on a success

1st level: When you pass a saving throw you can disengage
5th level: You can use the Goad and Cutting Blow maneuvers twice before needing PTTC
9th level: If prone you can use a bonus action to stand without spending any movement.
13th level: When attacking you ignore your opponent's shield bonus.

1st level: You cannot be disarmed of your shield.
5th level: You can use the Enrage and Hamstring maneuvers twice before needing PTTC.
9th level: You can use a reaction action to gain resistance to your opponent's damage this round, you lose your shield bonus until the end of next turn.  You can only use this ability if you have a shield bonus.
13th level: Attacks with two handed weapons within 5 feet of you have disadvantage.

1st level: You have advantage to escape grapples or nets.
5th level: You can use the Distract and Blinding Attack maneuvers twice before needing PTTC.
9th level: You treat your shield as a light bludgeoning weapon doing 1d6 damage.
13th level: If your opponent misses you by 5 or more, as a reaction you can attack them.



2426.  Cleaning out the dungeon doesn't involve dressing up like ghosts and trying to scare them out.
2427.  The positive energy plane doesn't charge a cover charge.
2428.  Not allowed to see if its possible to drown someone in a barrel filled with healing potions.
2429.  Can't apply the holy avenger traits to siege weapons.
2430.  The halfling wizard can't exploit the short rest rules by abusing the use of a papoose.
2431.  A mandingo is not an Australian lycanthrope.
2432.  If I have to guard the AV-8 during the black ops, no entertaining myself with the PA system, ejection seat or cluster munitions.
2433.  I can't fill my yard with adventurer shaped statues to convince people it's a Medusa lair so they fight me with their eyes closed.
2434.  When I'm told a giant version of a creature is acceptable for my animal companion, that doesn't include the tortoise.
2435.  Using dogs to keep late watch is fine, howler monkeys not so much.
2436.  I will not be the sole reason Carnivale is canceled this year.
2437.  If another player's character has all the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, a Cure Disease spell won't help.
2438.  Not starting the adventure until we have exactly one elf in the party is not Tolkienism.
2439.  Pointing out the gun will break the character's shoulder if fired in that position is not they meant as a trigger warning.
2440.  Scots do not go up faster in direct sunlight faster than vampires.
2441.  My Rogue Trader's crew will notice if she left out Savior Pods to make room for a bigger shoe closet.
2442.  Firepower is not an appropriate substitute for the Fellowship stat.
2443.  We are not sneaking into the Golden Throne disguised as a documentary crew.
2444.  No, I really don't want to know the Profit Factor cost for insurance on my Grand Cruiser is.
2445.  When facing the terrasque can't just gate in a black ball and sit back and watch.
2446.  No complaining after the black ball takes out the terrasque when it starts doing donuts on the treasure pile.
2447.  No threatening the aboleth with telling the Cajun restaurant his location.
2448.  Acererak doesn't care about the Tomb of Horror's Yelp rating.
2449.  Even if my musketeer just tore Richelieu from the French throne, I didn't just break the Cardinal rule.
2450.  If the Storyteller gives me a drama die at about 70 mph and aimed at my face, it wasn't a compliment.